Being Ambitious and Lazy
I’m struggling.
I want to be extraordinary.
But I can’t stop being average.
A friend of mine was laughing to my tales from secondary school and it made me remember Sir Peter. My secondary school government teacher, don’t worry, this is not a cheesy teacher story.
Sir Peter had bad mouth.
God, his classes were a high tension activity cause no one knew who would get roasted next.
I liked government and literature a lot.
My ‘A’ subjects (plus agric, but let’s pretend like it’s not there).
I was in SS2 and at just had a government test; this was very intense because people read as hard as they could. If you failed Sir Peter’s test, you will chop hot insult.
He came to share our 2As and said to me; “you failed my test. I’m quite disappointed.”
The first thing I felt was fear then shock and disbelief. I was sure of what I wrote, how could I fail?
My heart was hammering in fear.
My 2A came.
I opened it.
7/10.
I don’t get.
I just failed three questions, just three.
I convinced myself that Sir Peter had mixed my script with another person’s.
It’s currently exams season and I’m yet to start preparing harder than I ever have and it made me remember the words of Sir Peter.
You see, I’ve always been an average student by choice. I didn’t put enough effort to stress me but I put in enough not to be considered dumb, and that has been my bane.
I’ve been…careless.
I think I also underestimated myself too much because of my reaction when I was suggested for a cowbell maths competition. My reaction was violent disbelief ; I DON’T KNOW MATHS!
Perhaps if I had dared? I would have failed. Lol. But at least I had faith in my capabilities.
When people complement my writing, I brush it off thinking; “they just haven’t seen better writers”
Instead of thinking; “I’m a bloody good writer”
And this mentality has kept me in the loop of mediocrity. Of lack of self regard.
I am very intelligent, a fact.
And I have the brain of an elephant, I remember everything. I don’t forget things, plus I have a gift.
The gift of words like no one that has lived.
I know I am meant to be extraordinary, it’s in my whole makeup.
Perhaps it’s time I;
you and I, embrace that and stop hiding under the wings of mediocrity and remain disgustingly average.
The God that made you and I is the most extraordinary being to exist;
how dare you think yourself average?
Thank you for this.
💙💙💙