How being an introvert ruined my life

I am naturally shy. And socially awkward.

Hi, my name is Geraldine, and I am naturally shy. And socially awkward. And not a people person.

This was the belief that has governed my life for over five years.

And it’s the truth. I AM shy. I am awkward in social interaction and avoid people because I don't know how to deal with them and what to say to them.

This belief RUINED my life and STOLE many opportunities from me.

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I remember crying because an opportunity I was NOMINATED for was given to another person who was willing to stand in front of the audience.

Here’s the craziest part: in secondary school, I was a popular kid; I was one of the highest prefects in the entire school, part of the debate club (the star opener and closer), the volleyball club, and the handball club, and you couldn't mention my name amongst the teachers because they all loved me.

But secondary school came to an end, and somehow, my introverted nature caught up with me and attacked tenfold. I became a recluse, all my social skills disappeared, and I developed a severe anxiety about leaving my house.

This was my comfort zone, and I liked it.

BUT my comfort zone was keeping me BROKE, isolated, and miserable.

In 2022, I decided that it was ENOUGH.

“There are people, NORMAL people, out there who do not live their lives in fear and worry of something as simple as having a conversation; there are people out there that are LIKED, that are bubbly and exciting to be around, the ones that get nominated and recommended first because they are easily REMEMBERED. I want that.”

So I went on a journey to rewire my core self.

Exposure therapy was prescribed by me to me.

I would force myself to walk up to people; naturally, a conversation would start.

My brain was working very hard to come up with fitting replies that didn't sound like I was miserable and hated every second of the conversation (I did😆).

My hands were shaking, my stomach was cramping, and sweat was pouring down the back of my ears.

I felt physically ill, my vision would blur.

I would come home utterly exhausted and drained, and I hated what I was doing to myself, but deep down I knew that this was the only way.

If I didn't do this, I would never see the light; all the skills and knowledge that I have would be wasted; it would be like someone pulling a sheet over the sun.

So the second step—more like my public execution:

I started raising my hand in class to ask and to answer questions. I would overthink it, I would doubt it, but my rule was to just throw my hands in the air first and second-guess later.

Even when my answer was wrong (which was never), I would pat myself on the back for the courage.

I did this for thirteen months.

The next biggest challenge was to post myself on social media.

Now THIS was a STRUGGLE.

I didn't want to share my work, my writing, on social media because I was afraid of what people would say, how they would judge me, and how they could perceive me.

I created and deleted multiple accounts. FINALLY, I settled on one.

Then the CRAZIEST THING HAPPENED.

SOMEONE REACHED OUT TO ME FOR A JOB.

It was INSANE, extra cash that I've never really had before, doing something I enjoyed (research & writing).

After fifteen months, I drew the courage to start sharing my second art: video creation.

I had finally conquered.

I was sharing my writing and my videos.

People loved me.

Everyone thought I was naturally bubbly and interactive.

Nobody suspected that I was an introvert who escaped.

Everyone assumed that I was naturally extroverted and confident.

Everyone assumed that I was naturally excellent at people management and leadership.

“How are you so comfortable filming in public?”
”How do you always know what to say?”
”It was so nice meeting you, Geraldine. let’s hang out sometime.”
‘Your interview skills are so good!’

I was getting openings for leadership opportunities.

Today, I am standing in front of the biggest stars in Nigeria, asking them questions confidently and interviewing them flawlessly.

One said that she loved my energy and the way I speak.

This is how, with practice and a lot of teeth clenching, I became the type of person that is both NOMINATED AND CHOSEN for opportunities.

It is no longer “Hi, my name is Geraldine, and I am naturally shy. And socially awkward. And not a people person.

It is now. “Hi, my name is Geraldine, with no limiting beliefs.”

“Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor.”

―

Alexis Carrel